Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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