Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize