i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
