I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
