Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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