I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
