and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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