Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
