Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
