I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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