She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
