and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
