The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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