Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
