You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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