and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I checked into jail on foursquare
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
