His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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