i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
