I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
