True but thats because hes a fetus.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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