oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize