she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
