Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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