I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
