I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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