I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
