I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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