I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Randomize