end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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