I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
