Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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