Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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