Someone shit on the floor
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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