If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just want nice things and good sex
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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