I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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