Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
