Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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