Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
