The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
