Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
