I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
