small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
