Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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