Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
