Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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