Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
