I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
