just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
