every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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