I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
