I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
