hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
