Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
only you would photoshop your dick
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
