I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
