I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
