STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
