Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
