i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
