i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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