dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
