Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize