i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
