Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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