I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
