the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
