So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize