i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
