im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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