I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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