You really coming over, don't trick.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
