The maid of honor just puked.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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