my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Randomize
