So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
