after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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