I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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