There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
