pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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