too bad you live with your parents still
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
