the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she peed on how many people?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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