Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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