I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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