so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
