Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
