Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He shit in the fireplace
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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