News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize