I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
