the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
