so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
