all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
