I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
